Thoughts on Parenting - Part Two

Dr. Laura Anderson is a licensed clinical psychologist who is currently living and practicing psychology on the island of Kauai in Hawaii. She specializes in the provision of psychological services to children and families and in the delivery of competent cross-cultural services. She loves children and appreciates the challenges related to parenting them. Dr. Anderson has also lived and/or traveled extensively in Southern, Central and Northern Africa and feels blessed to have had opportunities to learn from Africa’s marvelous, complex and diverse teachings.


If raising happy confident kids were like following a recipe, there would be several key ingredients. In my recipe, the three crucial ingredients would be structure, nurture, and safety. Today I’ll talk about the first of those: structure. Kids need routines. They need to know what to expect and when to expect it. They need to know that grownups are in charge and will make sure they get through these routines. Consistent, adult-run routines give children the predictability they need to feel comforted, and they provide a safety net from which children can explore. With structure, children learn to trust that you will do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going do it. On a daily basis, this means kids need a predictable morning routine, where the same things are expected of them at the same time before school (or daycare) every day. Young children benefit from predictable nap times. Meal times are also best if scheduled and reliable. After school routines should include a predictable time (and place) for homework. Evening routines often include bathing, as well as organizing clothes and backpacks for the morning. Finally, research shows that young school-aged children need between 10-11 hours of sleep a night to allow their bodies and brains important time for growth. A set bedtime with a predictable bedtime routine (backpack ready for morning, pajamas on, teeth brushed, bedtime story read or told, lights out), is a crucial part of getting children the sleep that they need. It is only fair to prepare you that your children may challenge your routines at first, and sticking to the schedule may cause some short-term disagreements. Don’t give up. With a little bit of time and practice, they’ll learn what is expected and they will benefit from your taking the lead and providing them with the consistency and structure that they need. The idea behind the recommendation for these routines is not to turn your house into a military boot camp. Flexibility, spontaneity and humor also play very important roles in childrearing. They complement underlying structure very well. In closing, know that no parent is perfectly consistent all the time. Life gets chaotic. Today’s families are often overworked and overscheduled and special events will naturally change the flow of any schedule you have established. All you can do is try your best to keep steady routines, with the understanding that your kids need that consistency whenever possible. I think you’ll find that both you and your children will appreciate the comfortable rhythms of the routines.